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Blah.... [Nov. 23rd, 2004|09:47 am]
Life sucks
it really does...
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Welcome to my life...lol it's crazy [Nov. 9th, 2004|11:58 am]
[Current Mood |confusedDamn, can somebody help me?]
[Current Music |Happy Ending-Avril Lavigne]

Man...I hate being such a perfectionist...I am scared of making the wrong choice for college, so I may just go to community college next semester until I figure out what I want to do. I dunno if I wanna be SOOOO close to home, and I dunno if I wanna be at Kent...I feel comfortable at B-W, but could it be because I am familiar with it? I dunno, I'm just tryna figure some things out...
I will be glad when I have just picked a school and hope that it is a good fit...cause in tha end that is tha most important thing. I don't want to pick another bad choice...not again!

Oh yeah Ryssa guess what? We'll be 19 in a lil over 3 months...not that it means anything, but 2005 is right around tha corner...damn!
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Going to school in tha Spring? Hmmm maybe not... [Oct. 26th, 2004|11:47 am]
[Current Mood |excitedtrying to see where I fit in]

Well right now my parents and I are discussing the possibility of me taking the rest of the year off and starting as a freshman in August 2005...sounds good, but what would I do until August? Work...hmmm doesn't sound exciting...

on the other hand...if I wait til next fall, I will be MORE than ready to go back to school, and I'll get to take advantage of things like new student orientation and things like that...I'll be a year behind instead of a semester behind, but I can live with that. After all, if I graduate in 2009 it won't make a difference anyhow...most of my peers STILL won't have a job or they'll be on tha five year plan anyhow.

I have added Kent State and University of Akron to my list...gosh it feels like senior year all over again. I didn't like Kent State tha first time I visited (for dumb reasons) but I will visit again...because I believe that is tha place for me...we'll see. If not...then I'll be at B-W. Akron is cool, but th aacademics are better at B-W or Kent...and Akron is a commuter campus...I'm not feelin that at all. Ppl live on campus there and whatnot but only about 10% of them...that sucks. Kent is more sports oriented (I'm a big sports fanatic) and they have an excellent journalism school there. Thank you Ms. Melton for encouraging me to consider other schools...you just might be on to something...
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Complicated...things ARE looking up though, [Oct. 24th, 2004|12:28 am]
[Current Mood |sleepyrest will help with the stress]

well being 18 sucks...my parents don't make decisions for me, don't tell me when to go to bed, or nothin...it was alot easier when there was someone other than me to blame!

there's alot of anxiety involved that no one tells you about when u transfer or start over at another school. First of all, getting the courage to leave the school u are unhappy at is hard enough. Then it is even harder trying to start over at another school, u panic sometimes..."what if my next school is a disaster like my last one was?" that is my main fear. I am NOT goin back to that place...hopefully B-W will still feel like home to me. Cause at this point it's B-W or nothing.

Watched some movies today wit my sisters and mom...ppl are STILL finding out that I left school...my aunt just found out today. Then I gotta face alot of my fam next month and alot of ppl from Marshall next weekend when I go to tha homecoming game. Well anyhow, I'm sleepy...good night!
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Home Sweet Home [Oct. 18th, 2004|12:01 pm]
[Current Mood |exhaustedbut glad to be home]
[Current Music |Fred Hammond]

I am home...

This is the roughest period of my life...right now I will chill but I know that I am not a failure...I am gonna get some help, tho. But the hardest part is over...I am home. It's weird being at home when my sisters are at school (I miss Marshall a lil bit) but I know I need this time off...me and my mom talked last night, and I am glad I came home...my problems are alot deeper than I thought.
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Ready to go home...NOW [Oct. 14th, 2004|12:22 pm]
[Current Mood |anxiousready to go home]

I am packing up my things...and I'll be out by tommorrow morning...I will be sooo happy when that plane takes off. This was an unforgettable experience...and hopefully God has more in store for me...Everyone just pray for me...that would be greatly appreciated...Ryssa I know exactly how u feel now...
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Feeling crappy at first...but determined [Oct. 13th, 2004|12:32 pm]
[Current Mood |optimistic9 more days til my family come]

I am determined to hang in there til Next friday...I woke up today and did NOT feel like going to ANY of my classes...so I didn't. After a talk with my math teacher, I am glad that I talked to her...I felt much better afterwards...I will enjoy my chill week, then pace myself for next week...I am all packed up and ready to go lol...but I need to get the signatures next week then I will be str8...I am doing the right thing, I feel at peace...I will miss it here, but I know I'm going back to Cleveland for a purpose...God's got my back...so does my family...and it's a WONDERFUL FEELING!!!!!!!!
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GOING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!! [Oct. 12th, 2004|10:36 am]
YAY! I go home in 10 days...it will be hard to leave my friends but God has a BIGGER plan in mind...so yes, it's final...I AM GOING HOME! OCT 24th, I will be home...YESSIR!

THaz all I got to say...
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Tha biggest mistake of my life [Oct. 7th, 2004|12:16 pm]
[Current Mood |depressedI hate this place....]

I was sooo silly to think that dating this one boy in my soph year in HS was tha biggest mistake of my life...but actually I was wrong...coming to HU was. I mean I feel like shit now...December is so far away and I am stuck here until then. I feel like shit right now...I don't want to be here, and I HATE it...I wish I could leave. The people who knew me in high school...I'm a different person from that. I feel so out of place right now at HU, this aint tha place for me. I would rather be surrounded by diversity, and be able to go home when I want to, and not feel trapped. I would rather be near my family. I was looking forward to starting over, but actually, it's worse than starting over. LIke I think I'm depressed...fa real. I need to leave ASAP, because it's affecting my grades...so right now my main concern is having my grades high enough so I'll have a high enough GPA to transfer and earn my credits...I don't feel like being around anyone right now, I feel so...helpless. I wish I would have never come to Hampton...then I feel worse because I ran up my parents' phone bill calling them collect, I feel so guilty because I call them all the time because I am homesick. If I am closer to home, then it won't be that bad. Yea, I wanted to get away from Cleveland, but right now, I'd give anything to go back. I feel like dropping out of school all together...HU changed me, and not for the better either. Now I have no clue what I want to do, I don't think I want to be a Sports Journalist anymore, I don't want to be in college...I'm more than capable, but right now, I just want to give up on everything and just go back to Cleveland and work...but I know my parents aint havin it. I feel as if I won't fit in anywhere...I'm pretty sure I will fit in @ B-W...I already know ppl there, it's close to home, I know the campus and where to go if i need help, and I can get a job...a HUGE part of me is excited to know that eventually (either this next semester or next fall) I will be there @ B-W...but another part of me is depressed, and I feel trapped knowing that I am at Hampton for at least tha rest of the semester. I am praying really hard that my parents don't make me stay the entire year...cause for that, I would drop out of school.
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Ready to go home [Oct. 6th, 2004|03:59 pm]
[Current Mood |crushedI wanna go home...badly]
[Current Music |Seniorita]

Well I don't think I'll make it past this semester...I hate it here. I am sooooo fed up with things here, and I hate runnin from stuff but this is stupid...I refuse to come back to HU next semester. I refuse...
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